Saturday, January 9, 2016

Tyler Stone in the HUT


Flicking through the channels while watching the T.V. with the kids, we come across an old black and white war film .The Longest Day, it’s a classic. I tell the kids that in the old days, that’s what the world used to look like ‘All black and white’ I say, ‘They called them the black and white days, there was no colour the grass was black and the sky was white.”

They actually fell for it, the fools. At least they’re going to grow up believing in a brighter future....”

...Enter the bizarre world of Tyler Stone as he grapples with being sexually abused by Shirley the dog, spooning Angelia Jolie and slowly being possessed by Phil Collins shouting SUSS SUSS SUDIO in the streets of Essex...

Think Adrian Mole on Acid – That’s Tyler Stone. And the man is here, with us in the beach hut…

Q: Hello, Tyler.

TS: Hi. I’m Tyler Stone and I need red wine and I could tile your floor if you like.

Q:  Yeeesss.

Then it has to happen. Tyler Stone’s bulbous forehead lights up and before our very eyes he transforms into the spit of the baggy suit wearing 1980s slap-head-songsmith.

A: Suss suss sudio alright mate, just on the off chance you ain't seen my brother, he looks like me but he only has one leg?

Q: Oh, right Stone, Tyler Stone. Hey, Stone. How did you make it to the hut? A long way from Essex?

A: Planes, trains and automobiles, as it goes I'm lucky to be here i've lost all me mates. Swallow and Lifty Scott.

Q: We will put a shout out for Swallow and Lifty Scott from the Hut. Hope you are keeping a travel diary for the trip. Any strange experiences so far, Tyler?

A: The flight over was a nightmare, turbulence was rife the plane was shaking like a errrr shakey shakey thing. Some idiot kept shouting out, 'we're all going to die,'
Swallow gets caught smoking in the toilet and when the plane finally landed everybody clapped and cheered. Lifty Scott was so relieved he started lifting all the passengers up, and when he lifts you up he does it properly arms stretched out right above his head.
When the police turned up I left them to it,"
'We're all going to die, Suss Suss Sudio.'

Q: What was Phil Collins best recording?


A: I liked him when he was funny and when he didn't need his jacket anymore.

The interviewers intrigued at the idea of a non-jacket wearing Collins researched the phenomenon on google images. Shocked that all images were indeed of a very recent nature, abandoned the research and moved on to more pressing subjects.  

Q: Who would win in a fair tag fight. Timmy Mallet and Magic Vs Terry Nutkins and vicious otter.  


A: Timmy Mallet just annoyed me,
Terry Nutkins was one of the most caring humans on the planet, he was a legend. The good die young. Let's hope the otter gets Timmy by the balls, sorry Magic.

Q: What's the best and worst thing about living in the UK? 

A: That's a tough question errr food I love all the English food.
Curry, pizza, pasta, chilli con carne and Chinese.
The worst thing is the rat race hate it, 'money is the root to all kinds of evil'

Q: Money is the...Oh okay....So what can we expect next from Tyler? A travel diary? A journal? Blog? TV show? 

A: If you follow route 66 just for the love of money, when you get to Los Angels all kinds of evil shit will be twisting your melons. It's a well known mythical story a bit like 'The Evil Rainbow'.
What's next? I'm working on a fictional novel, it's a true story called 'Back to the Grindstone' that's what I'm doing here looking for Leyton, have you seen him.?
Good looking bloke with long ginger hair, one leg walks with a limp, he looks a bit like Mick Hucknal, he married a lady bird, probably wearing a super dry jacket.... No



A: Married a lady boy? Is that possible? A non-registered marriage maybe…Hmm.  
Mick Hucknell, Phil Collins, this brings me to this. Pie chart attached.

Any words of wisdom to leave with your readers?




A: Never gunna give you up, never gunna let you down'
I'm going to look for Leyton in phuket next and then on to the smaller islands, this place is beautiful.
Words of wisdom? So many to choose from...
"Don't go chasing evil rainbows"


Q: Spoken like a true guru. Here try one of the house specials. 

Never fails to get the writing juices flowing.

Or furniture flowing.

Or something.

Hey John. What was in my ice tea?


A: Mmmm Damn fine milk shake, were these mushrooms picked from the strawberry fields?

Maybe not.....